Five months ago today, I was traveling through an airport with my sixteen-year-old daughter when my heart suddenly stopped. Bystanders started CPR and used an AED to shock me back into normal cardiac function. Over the next few days, the medical team determined that an irregular heart rhythm caused me to have a sudden cardiac arrest. There was no damage, and I left the hospital with an internal defibrillator as a safety net in case it ever happens again.
I had always heard the near death experiences cause people to assess their lives. I know of individuals who quit jobs they hated or devoted more time to their families, or found faith after a brush with death. In the weeks after “the incident” as my family calls it, I did find myself taking a hard look at my life. And the results were surprising.
Because what I realized was that I didn’t want to make the kinds of changes I would have expected. My day job is hard, but I love it. Writing can be discouraging, but it's worth the effort. My family and friends are amazing. Not just in the way they showed up on that eventful day, but in everyday life.
My temporary death experience made me realize that if I was going to change anything it would be to ease my expectations of myself. I can't juggle a job, and a family and finish books at the same rate as a full-time writer with an empty nest.
If I am going to have time to breathe, and invest in the people I love, I need to accept that it will take me a little longer to finish a book. But I believe that the change will not only make for a happier life, but better books.
Here's hoping I'm right!